


The Bat and the Jester

by Jagfan28



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Slow Burn, Villains to Heroes, unlikely couple
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-04-22 02:15:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,331
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14298555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jagfan28/pseuds/Jagfan28
Summary: Harley is sick of being abused by Joker, so she allies herself with the Bat and maybe forms a romantic relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

She stares into the middle distance, wondering why she’s here. Everyone has a breaking point and she just met hers. It’s late, and one Harleen Quinzel sits in a blank white interrogation room, handcuffed to a table, opposite the hero known as Batman. She’s uncharacteristically emotionless. Her usual smile gone. Her face blank and her lips form a perfect line. 

The night started out like any ordinary one with the Bat’s arch-nemesis, the Joker. The Clown Prince of Crime hatching a scheme to take down the pointy-eared hero for one last time. The plan this time, set off bombs filled with Joker Venom at every orphanage in Gotham. Why? Because if the world couldn’t make the kiddies smile, the Joker sure as hell was gonna try. Or something ridiculous like that. The real reason is the Joker knows the Caped Crusader’s softness for children, what with him having a 13-year old as a partner, and this would be a surefire way to attack him personally.

Unsurprisingly, the plan was thwarted by the Dynamic Duo. That is until the Joker got away. How? You ask. Well, it involves a hot air balloon and throwing one’s harlequin girlfriend overboard to escape faster.

She’s had enough. No amount of fun, if you can call it that, is worth this much pain. Thinking the one you love, loves you back, only to realize he’s a douchebag with a “perma-smile” and a penchant for sadism.

Harley sits at the table, listening to Batman interrogate her. She says nothing, knowing that she’ll just be re-admitted to Arkham Asylum. She knows that no matter how hard they try, they’ll attempt to rehabilitate her. It’s pointless, her psychotic boyfriend will just blow a hole in her cell to free her. Not this time though, this time she wants to be fixed. Putting it plainly, she’s had enough of everything.

“Just take back to the Asylum, Bats.” She says blankly. 

Batman unlocks her handcuffs, only re-lock them after they’re removed from the table. He escorts her to Commissioner Gordon, who waits with a detail ready to send her to home for the ‘criminally insane.’

“There’s something off about her Jim, keep an eye on her.” Batman warns.

“Don’t I always?” The commissioner replies.

They load her into the paddy wagon and drive away.

The staff of the infamous insane asylum admit her. They take her to shower and change. She exits the bathroom without her trademark black and red hair dye or her clown make-up. She’s just plain Dr. Harleen Quinzel again, wearing a white jumpsuit and slippers. Her blonde hair is set in a ponytail. 

She’s taken to a dingy cell with a door that also acts as a window, giving clear view of the patient to anyone who monitors them. In the cell, two items stick out. A twin bed and a toilet that doubles as a sink. Each cell in the asylum has multiple cameras set-up to capture the activities of the ‘patients.’

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

It’s been three days. Harleen hasn’t moved from her back against the wall, cross-legged position on her bed. Only to sleep, use the toilet, or grab the food the staff slide through her door. The food never changes. Always some kind of protein mush laced with essential vitamins and minerals to keep the patients healthy. Harleen is 100-percent certain vitamins and minerals aren’t the only things lacing the food.

Quinzel’s behavior concerns the asylum’s faculty so much so that they inform the warden; who thus informs the commissioner. The police head decides to pay the clown’s girlfriend a visit.

“Quinzel?” The commissioner asks, staring into the cell.

Harleen sits in her crossed-leg position. She sullenly asks, “Hey Commish, to what do I owe the pleasure?”

Gordon’s harsh look doesn’t waver. He asks, “What game are we playing today?”

“Oh, no games, Gordy. I’m just tired.” She looks up at him, giving a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Tired of what?” He questions.

“That clown asshole...” She answers, “Can I talk to Bats?”

He rubs his eyes under his glasses. “I’ll see what I can do.”

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Jim speed dials Bruce. 

Bruce answers, “Jim?”

“You were right, obviously. There’s something different about Quinn. She’s asking for you personally.” Gordon exclaims.

“On my way.” Bruce hangs up.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Harley sits against the wall. Waiting for the Batman to show. A shadow moves across her door.

“Hiya Bats.” She says, downtrodden.

“Quinn?” He responds.

“I know ya don’t trust me, but I’m done with Mister J. I want a new life.” She says, staring at the opposite wall of her cell. 

Batman doesn’t flinch.

“Nothing ever changed with him, you know? Do you know how many times he sacrificed my life for his? I was supposed to be his girlfriend!” A tear rolls down her cheek. “Not to mention all the times he… he touched me… I mean, how could you do that to someone who loves you?”

Batman doesn’t flinch.

“I wanna do good, B-Man. Whatever information you need I’ll give it to you!” She finally turns to look at him. “He needs to be stopped.”

“Where is he?” Batman asks.

“I don’t know if he’ll be there, but check the funeral home on 11th and Wilshire. He knew you’d check joke shops n’ stuff, not places like funeral parlors. Watch out for booby traps and my hyenas. The command to stop them in their tracks is ‘kill’. Be careful.” She explains.

Batman turns and walks away.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Batman enters the abandoned mortuary. He looks around for any sign of Joker or his goons, but there’s nothing. In the doorway to the back, where the body coolers are, is a trip-wire at ankle height. He freezes the string with a liquid nitrogen dispenser he pulls from his utility belt. He shatters the string, disarming it. He enters the back and two laughing hyenas snarl and rush him. 

“Kill!” He shouts.

They stop, sitting down. One scratches behind its left ear with its left hind leg. 

Batman continues his investigation, noticing a chalkboard with a diagram detailing the orphanage bombing attempt. Seemingly empty canisters of Joker Venom lay around the building. The clown was definitely here at some point, obviously.

Bruce calls Jim, “Joker was at the funeral parlor at some point. He abandoned it recently.”

“So, are we trusting Quinn?” Gordon asks.

“One step at a time.” Bruce replies. “I’m going to talk to her now.”

He hangs up.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“He wasn’t there.” Batman tells Harley.

“I’m not surprised. He moves after every one of his schemes.” Harley says, sitting up from her bed. 

“Why are you helping me?” Batman asks.

“I already told you.” She responds.

“I want more information. Why now?” Batman asks, pointedly.

“Would you believe me if I told you I wanted to be on the winning side for once? I’m a doctor for chrissakes. I went to school to help people. Do you know how many people I’ve murdered just because he told me to? Like I said, I want to do good, Bats.” Harley explains.

“Where else might he go?” Batman questions.

She replies, “Try any place that’s his antithesis. Funeral parlors, medical offices, school buildings. The more unlikely, the likelier he’ll be there.”

Batman begins to walk away, but Harley calls him back.

“Hey B-Man, can I join your crew?” She yells.

He turns and looks back at her, but says nothing.

She gets off her bed and grabs a piece of paper and a red felt-tip pen. She writes something Batman can’t read. Once she finishes, she walks over to the door and presses her note against it. The note reads, ‘I know your secret, Bruce.’

Batman’s eyes go wide.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harley is released from Arkham.

Batman walks into Commissioner Gordon’s office at the Gotham City Police Department, shutting the door behind him. The commissioner sits behind his desk, working on piled up paper work.

“Jim, I’m taking Quinn with me.” Bruce growls.

“Why? What did she say?” Gordon asks.

Bruce sighs, “She knows the truth… My truth.”

Gordon stands up, hands propping him up on his desk.

“How? How is that possible?!” Gordon questions.

“Trust me, I intend to find out.” Bruce replies.

Gordon looks down to pick up his phone, before dialing the number for Arkham’s warden. 

“Batman, make sure nothing happens to…” Gordon looks up and Batman is already gone.

“…Barbara,” Gordon finishes.

__________________________________________________

An Arkham guard finishes shackling Harley’s wrists and ankles, as Batman leads her out of her cell; his hand wrapped around her bicep.

“Thanks, Bats.” Harley says.

The guard scowls at her, but says nothing.

Batman doesn’t reply.

They stop at the Batmobile. The back of the vehicle opens up to reveal two seats, for either detainees or citizens in distress. Harley hops in, before a shoulder harness comes down strapping her place. The vehicle closes back up.

Batman hops in the cockpit and drives off.

“I can’t believe I finally get to see the ‘legendary’ Batcave. After all we’ve been through, you’re actually takin’ me back to your place. You really know how to spoil a girl, Bruce!” Harley says, with a smile clearly on her face.

Batman taps his cowl, next to his bat ears, “Oracle, prepare the Batcave and contact the others. We have company.”

“On it, Bruce.” Oracle replies.

The Batmobile drives past a sign that says ‘Private Property: Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted.’ Batman turns down a side, dirt road that leads to a gorge. On the opposite side, there’s a cave. The Batmobile drives over the ledge and straight into the mouth of the cave. 

The Batmobile spins up into the Batcave on a platform. Batman hops out of the vehicle, while concurrently the back opens up to unload Harley.

The cave lights up and Harley squints at the sudden lighting change. Inside the lair are massive computer screens and the Bat family suits on display. Also, one corner has a T-Rex robot, a large Joker playing card, and a giant penny. They’re ‘souvenirs’ from the Dark Knight’s escapades, mostly like collected by Dick Grayson. Another corner has what appears to be a sparring floor as seen in a dojo. There are computers set up by the sparring floor as well, for holograms.

“Huh, thought it’d be nicer.” Harley mutters.

Batman unlocks the shackles. Harley rubs her wrists.

“Thanks, Brucie!” She says with a smile.

Batman guides her over to a large, circular table with multiple chairs around it. It’s used when the Justice League are in the Batcave. They sit down. Batman takes off his cowl and looks at her.

“How did you know?” He growls out.

“Well, let’s see, who has enough money and resources for all the trinkets and do-hickies? Why do all of Batman’s cohorts look like Bruce Wayne’s family? Same height, same broad shoulders, same masculine jawline. I may act like a ditz, but I’m a trained psychiatrist, sweetheart. It was too easy.” She replies.

At that moment, Oracle, Nightwing, Robin, and Alfred meet the other two.

“Hiya, Babs. Hey Dickie. Hola Timmy. ‘Sup Al?” Harley greets.

Dick and Tim look at Bruce, who nods. They take off their masks, revealing their true identities.

“She figured it out and wants to ally herself with us.” Bruce explains.

Harley nods enthusiastically.

“Why should we trust her? I mean, it isn't hard to miss what her boyfriend did to me!” Barbara responds.

“Uh, ex-boyfriend, Babs. I’ve had it with that sonuva bitch! And I know what I say doesn't matter, but I’m sorry he did that to ya.” Harley tells her.

“So, if you know our identities, does Joker know?” Dick asks.

“No, and he doesn’t wanna know. According to him, it’s more fun not knowing.” She explains with a shrug.

Tim ponders, “All right, well, if you know who we are, then who’s the Joker?”

“No clue!” Harley replies, putting her feet on the table, “He says that doesn’t matter anymore 'cause that part of him is dead. He’s just the Joker now.”

“Harley, stay here. Everyone else, follow me.” Bruce commands.

They stand and walk to a more secluded area of the lair.

__________________________________________________

“What are you thinking, Master Bruce?” Alfred asks.

“I want to keep her around.” Bruce replies.

Tim goes to protest, but Bruce puts his right hand up stopping him in his tracks.

“She’s given us good information and I can sense her honesty, but you all know how hard it is to gain my trust. With that being said, I want her supervised at all times.” Bruce finishes.

Dick sighs, “Who gets first watch?”

Bruce looks all four of them in the eye.

“You do, Dick.” Bruce replies.

Dick sighs again, “Fine.”

__________________________________________________

The group joins Harley back at the table.

“So, what’s it gonna be, Bruce?” She asks.

“You’re under probation for one year. If by the end of that year, you have not acted against the code of justice, you can join the team.” He continues, “You’ll be watched constantly until further notice. Dick is your first chaperone.”

Harley squeals with excitement, “I won’t let you down, Brucie!”

She hugs him. He doesn’t hug back.

She let’s go and Alfred walks up to her.

“Would you like something to eat or drink, Dr. Quinzel?” Alfred asks.

She smiles, “You got nachos?”

“Anything you’d like, madam.” He replies.

“Nachos with lots of cheese and jalapeños, please, Alfred!” She says.

Alfred nods and walks away.

__________________________________________________

Dick and Harley sit at the table in the Batcave, Harley eating her nachos.

“Why the sudden change of heart?” Dick asks.

Harley sighs, “I already told Bruce, but I guess I’ll have to tell you, too.”

“That would be nice,” Dick says, grabbing a nacho off her plate.

She scowls, watching him eat the chip, “Joker tried to sacrifice me so he could get away. Wasn’t the first time and I’m sure it wouldn’t’ve been the last. Plus, I’d had my fill of psychopathic murderer. Therefore, I switched teams.”

“Eh, makes sense to me,” Dick admits, trying to grab another nacho. 

Harley slaps his hand, “You should’ve asked Alfred for some earlier.”

Dick rubs his hand, looking downtrodden.

“Ugh, here.” Harley slides the plate over to him.

He smiles, taking a chip, “Thanks.”

“So, when do I get the tour?” Harley asks, mouth full of food.

“I guess I should get on that, huh?” Dick wonders, rhetorically.

Harley gulps the food down, “I can wait. It’s not like I’m going anywhere.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bat Family and Harley discuss a new code-name and Batman and Catwoman have a discussion.

Escrima stick hits escrima stick as Dick and Harley spar on the training mat. Dick is wearing a black wife-beater and black track pants, while Harley wears a black sports bra and leggings.

They’re both duel wielding as they go back and forth. Suddenly, the sticks lock up and the two fighters are face to face. Dick smirks, and kicks Harley in the chest. She goes flying back, but regains her balance and hand springs into a somersault, landing in a crouch position.

She yells and brings the sticks above her head, charging her adversary. He ducks, sweeping her legs out from underneath her.

She hits the mat, hard. She breathes, heavily.

“Ah dammit, Dicky! You really couldn’t let me win one round!” She complains.

Dick smirks, “Sorry, but criminals don’t have rounds, Harley!.. Take five!”

Harley groans and huffs, then sits, crossing her legs.

Dick walks over to the side of the mat and grabs a water bottle, tossing it to Harley.

“Stay hydrated. Trust me, you don’t wanna know what happens if you don’t hydrate.” Dick says as he sits down next to her.

Harley untwists the cap and chugs the water, the bottle imploding in on itself with each chug.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down, Flash! You’re gonna make yourself sick!” He warns.

“Is there anything that doesn’t have rules around here?!” She moans.

He smirks, “Sorry, Harley, but this is what it feels like to have someone care about your well-being.”

Harley smiles, “Aww, you care about me, Dicky-boy?”

He chuckles, “Yeah, you’re a part of the team now. Why wouldn’t I?”

Harley crawls over to him, hugging him.

“Uh, just so you know, Babs and I are engaged, so don’t think about doing what I think you’re thinking about doing!” He says, slightly muffled, patting her back.

She giggles, letting him go, “Oh shush, I’m just showing my appreciation! Now if you were B-Man, I’d be a little more appreciative, wink wink!”

Dick rubs the back of his neck, “Oh good… I think.”

He takes a sip of water, “So, are you gonna use your mallet in the field?”

“I guess I should think about it, huh?.. And the uniform... And the name…” She replies.

“You’re really gonna change all of that?” He wonders.

She sighs, “I don’t want any association with my criminal history. I want a fresh start.”

He stands up and walks to where Barbara sits behind the Bat-Computer.

“Hey Babs,” he says, “Get Tim down here.”

She quirks an eyebrow, not looking away from the monitor as she types, “Why?”

He grins a shit-eating grin, “’Cause we’re gonna give Harley a new name!”

__________________________________________________

Batman stands on a rooftop in the middle of downtown Gotham City. It’s nearly 1 a.m. and the rain falls softly. He’s stoic as he listens to the police channels.

“What’s the matter, handsome? Cat got your tongue?” A sultry, female voice asks from behind him.

“What do you want, Selina?” He replies.

She smirks, as she runs a claw across his muscled shoulders, while she walks by.

“What? A girl can’t talk to her on-again, off-again boyfriend?” Selina ponders.

“You know we’re no-” Bruce starts, but Selina has pulled him into a deep, passionate kiss.

Bruce stands there, motionless, barely reciprocating. Selina releases him.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” Bruce asks.

Selina pouts, “I’m just trying to get mine before it’s too late.”

“Too late for what?” Bruce inquires.

Selina turns and starts to slink away, “Us.”

Bruce grabs her by the arm, “What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want the clown’s ex to steal you from me!” Selina admits, shouting.

Bruce smirks, then deadpans, “Ironic.”

“I want on the team too, Bruce.” Selina pleas.

Bruce turns, looking over the city, “No more stealing.”

Selina rolls her eyes, but doesn’t say anything.

Bruce turns his head back to look at her.

Selina huffs, “How about if I only steal from criminals?”

Bruce hesitates for a moment, “…Non-evidence only.”

Selina strides up to him, staring him in the eye. She puts her hand out for him to shake.

He doesn’t move, so she pulls him into a long, romantic kiss. 

__________________________________________________

Harley, Barbara, Dick, and Tim sit around the round table, tossing out nickname suggestions.

“How about the Sparrow?” Barbara asks.

“Nah.” Harley replies.

Tim snaps and points up like a light bulb has gone off over his head, “The Red Sparrow?”

Barbara and Harley glare at him, Dick chuckles. 

“Really? Red Robin suggests Red Sparrow?” Barbara questions, pointedly.

“Yeah, do I look like Jennifer Lawrence?” Harley asks, shouting.

Tim deflates.

“Why does it have to be bird related?” Harley wonders.

Dick shrugs, “Eh, it’s kind of a Bat-sidekick tradition; Robin, Red Robin, Lark.”

“You do realize he’s called BAT-man, right? Not BIRD-man?” Harley points out.

Barbara sighs, “Let’s just keep moving, shall we?”

“The Mallard!” Dick throws out.

Harley bursts out laughing, “Ooh yeah, I could have a green cowl and brown suit!” 

"And you can still use your mallet! We could call it the 'Mal-lert!'" Dick suggests.

Harley bursts out laughing again.

“Umm, Harley, I thought we were getting away from the jokes.” Barbara notes.

Harley groans, “Fine! Mallard will be Plan B!”

“If we’re going bird related, how about Harpy?” Tim suggests.

The other three are silent.

“Harpy, close to Harley, bird related. A half-human and half-bird personification of storm winds. Harley’s life is now topsy-turvy… What do you think?” Tim asks.

“Hmm, I love it! For now on, I’m Harpy!” Harley shouts.


End file.
